When we pulled my daughter out of school almost exactly a year ago, we did not make the decision lightly. It took several years of weakening mental health, chronic stomach aches, and a lot of effort on all our parts to try to make it work. In the end, through trial and error, a big heap of intuition, and wonderful support, we decided it was in her best interest.
But her dad and I still worried if we were making the right decision. How can we be sure that we are supporting her development, not enabling her avoidance? How do we know if she just needs more supports, boundaries, and the belief from us that she is capable of meeting the challenge, vs. really hearing how this isn’t working for her, shifting our expectations, and letting her know that she can choose a more supportive environment for her to blossom?
The answer is in our own attunement to her. Rooting in connection and safety, we were able to help her to gain self-awareness of her needs while teaching her how to advocate for them. We applied this same process we learned through navigating challenges at school, to similar challenges she faced in extra-curricular activities. Through this process, she grew in her frustration-tolerance, growth mindset, and self-acceptance. It is a nuanced dance and exploration, but as long as we stay grounded in the safety of our connection, there is plenty of wiggle room to experiment, make mistakes, and grow together.